WHY LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH?

For the first time to read the title “Love is not enough” I was struck and then said to myself: “It is unbelievable!”

Keeping in mind since I was born, I learned that Love is everything. But this title distracts and against my understandings and experiences in many ways. That’s the reason why I am so excited to challenge myself to convince my understanding of Love is everything, not Love is not enough. Starting reading the book, I came to the agreement that Love needs something more that can make Love be perfect. What is the something more? Through my little and simple research I would like to choose two cases among the cases in the book “Love is not enough” to discover the newness of love and the something more that makes love enough.

Mary is a nine years old girl whom I am interested studying about her life. Though she is just a little girl but carries the background of stealing, violent attacks against the children, repellant cruelty to animals. These attitudes perturb the children running away from her. Therefore staying alone, being denied and mistrust is not something new for her. The question is how to help her to get out of the institutional and behave as a normal child in order to be at home with herself and others too? Showing respect her right to behave negatively is to reassure with her that she is respected and loved.

She loves painting, but not learning. She would do things that could get attention of people and be assured of being accepted. Her way of getting attention is to violate herself and others, because she thinks that her counselor would stop her doing, as she used to experience. What did she do? She tests her counselor by lying on bed after learning that she can stay on bed any time she wants. She painted on herself. The reaction was that no one stopped her. She showed her work to the counselor, painted an unhappy face and identified her as it is. She related herself with the life of caterpillar story. It was as if she had hope that one day she herself may be changed from a nameless to a happy person. To be able to believe that, at least for a moment, to believe that she could become a distinct person that satisfaction and happiness might be available to her, was really a hope for the beginning of progress in treatment.

Beside the story of Mary, Frank is an eleven years old boy who is acting-out delinquent, inadequate behavior, ever-changing foster homes and also as a running away child-a truant. His life experienced the changes in family relationship. His attitudes become asocial when his mother is remarriage and establishes a suitable home. To compensate for many disappointments, he puts effort by over-eating which results in obesity. Besides over-eating, his talk is full of obscenity and criticizes others’ behaviors and hobbies.

Vaguely, the fact told him that at the school the children can be childish or mature as they wish. The important of Frank is to find out if the free and honest expression of his feelings was possible, or whether he had to hide his true feeling behind and pretense his polite language. And there are hopes in helping him to restore his identity as a normal child.

Through the stories of Mary and Frank, I find out the something more to make love is enough. Yet, love is not enough when actions are not well practiced. Love is art; the art of action that needs skill to deal and help people to appreciate and recognize the values of love instead of harming person to the growth. Therefore, it demands each of us to be artists of love. As Mary’s case, she needs a lot of acceptance and affirmation. When the counselor offers what she needs to be filled up, he/she gains her trust. Her desire of being free and respected raised her to become true and appreciate herself. Frank too, a boy who lost trust in life, now long for a trust and understanding. To restore his trust is a challenge for those who willing to help him. We can say about love, but the question is how to love! Mary and Frank are loved, but they are still hurt. It’s an answer for love is not enough.

Yes, love is only enough when something more is filled. Take this opportunity, I would like to thank for this research that I may be able to open my mind and my heart to welcome the new discovery of knowledge and truth in life that long time I thought love is everything is the truth that unchangeable. Yet, love is not enough. It needs something more to make it enough. They are: LOVE and SKILLS.